Peter's Humor

  • A woman pointed her index finger at me and asked: “Hey, cutie, yes, you with the fedora hat. If money weren’t an issue, would you marry me today?” “Yes, it is.” I said.

  • You can run from your past, but eventually the DNA results will come in.

  • If you are looking for a solid long-term relationship, get a 30-year mortgage or an African parrot.

  • Honeymoon is the beginning of a new venture – a new boss, a new day planner, no staff meeting and no pay.

  • Last night I got a call at 3:00 a.m. The person asked me if I was for drilling. I told him I hate dental work.

  • You cannot win the battle of sexes—too much amity, appeasement and surrender.

  • What is important to know about solitude, seclusion, retirement and old age?
    1. You will find out when you get there.
    2. You would prefer to visit all but not for long.
    3. You think it happens to other people, not you.
    4. It always looks better on someone else.
    5. You have to deal with at least two together.

  • You cannot change your past unless you paid… your alimony and child support.

  • The wedding march is the sound of victory for women but defeat for men.

  • The sweethearts were so excited about tying the knot ... but neither realized it was Gordian.

  • Silence may be the best words I choose to live by.

Did you know that the word "Marriage" consists of three words:
1. "Age,"
2. "to marry/i/" and
3. "to mar" –not known to most of those polled, which means “to spoil, wreck, ruin, injure, harm, damage, to cause domestic dispute, spousal abuse, domestic violence, etc.”

Our Own Schpelling:

  • He has plenty of PRY-VACY.
  • PRY-Vate
  • PRY-vilege-ing
Special Thanks to Carol M. Walden.

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